It is advent
Where are you
God?
It is cold.
Garden does not
Grow.
Where are you
God?
It is darkening
Hour by day
Loss
Where are you
God?
‘Do not fear.’
and I try
So hard
Where are you
God?
Days are busy.
Much to do.
Forgotten
Where are you
God?
A lonely star
Shines bright
hope
There you are
God!
copyright by Kelli Parrish, Dec. 20, 2006
December 20, 2006
September 26, 2006
A Light Turns On
[I noticed that not much of substance has been posted here as of late, so I thought I would post tonight's work. It may be an assignment for my process theology class, but it really deals with the issues of religion and disability which is a part of what I see my ministry to be. Enjoy!]
A Light Turns On
There is a lot that could be said in response to C. Robert Mesle’s book Process Theology: A Basic Introduction. Perhaps, later, I will write down more of the myriad things bouncing around within and around the electrons of my brain after having read just half of the book. It seems to me however, the most important thing to respond to would be that which most excites me, most, that which is found on page 64.
For quite some time I have found myself fascinated by the healing narratives in the gospels. This does not mean that they are among my favorites or that I even like them. On the contrary, I find them perplexing and the ‘traditional’ interpretations of them problematic to say the least. On the one hand, these accounts of the gospels show us the compassion of Jesus in healing the lame, blind, deaf, mute, and sick; and as such, these accounts show the Divinity inherent in Jesus. On the other hand, these accounts are rife with exhortations such as “your faith has made you well” (Luke 8:48), which are problematic because they lay responsibility for healing not upon the Divine but in the faith of the one being healed. As someone who feels called to ministry with and for the disabled, these healing narratives pose a conundrum I must grapple with. I already know to well how placing the responsibility for healing upon the disabled can hinder rather help persons of faith with disabilities. I have and will continue to give much thought to how the healing parables can be presented in a more inclusive way. A new possibility of how to do this occurred to me while reading Mesle’s book.
Mesle presents the process view of God acting in the world as a balancing act that allows for a creaturely freedom to chose between possibilities while at the same time providing an “experience of God’s ‘lure’ toward some of those possibilities over others.” . Indeed Mesle presents evolution as the acts of electrons through which God acts by “‘calling’ those gamma particles ‘this way’ in the hopes that a few will respond and nudge the evolutionary process along toward more interesting possibilities.” This seems, and always has seemed, much more plausible to me than some other theological presentations of creation. While Mesle goes on to assert that our experience of God is based on our total experience , Mesle seems to leave the practical implications of this theological view quite open ended. This open ended-ness is understandable, as it seems required by the process theology which created it and which is ever responding to God’s call. However, at the very end, Mesle drops in a note that “process theologians would not rule out altogether the possibility that bodily cells might also, on some occasions, surprise us with their responsiveness to God’s call towards health.” While I understand and even agree with what Mesle is saying, I find it very annoying that he does not connect the thoughts he presents. The connection, which will be helpful in my own ministry, is as follows. If God created evolutionary jumps by calling particles in one direction, then disability can be seen as a physical misalignment of particles below the cellular level rather than as the result of sin or disbelief. If this is so, then the healing parables can then be seen as God working in the world, through the Jesus, to perfect creation. If both of these are so then at the practical modern day level we can affirm that disability/illness has no connection to sin, and that although it may be beyond our ability change, the hope for healing is always possible in God.
A Light Turns On
There is a lot that could be said in response to C. Robert Mesle’s book Process Theology: A Basic Introduction. Perhaps, later, I will write down more of the myriad things bouncing around within and around the electrons of my brain after having read just half of the book. It seems to me however, the most important thing to respond to would be that which most excites me, most, that which is found on page 64.
For quite some time I have found myself fascinated by the healing narratives in the gospels. This does not mean that they are among my favorites or that I even like them. On the contrary, I find them perplexing and the ‘traditional’ interpretations of them problematic to say the least. On the one hand, these accounts of the gospels show us the compassion of Jesus in healing the lame, blind, deaf, mute, and sick; and as such, these accounts show the Divinity inherent in Jesus. On the other hand, these accounts are rife with exhortations such as “your faith has made you well” (Luke 8:48), which are problematic because they lay responsibility for healing not upon the Divine but in the faith of the one being healed. As someone who feels called to ministry with and for the disabled, these healing narratives pose a conundrum I must grapple with. I already know to well how placing the responsibility for healing upon the disabled can hinder rather help persons of faith with disabilities. I have and will continue to give much thought to how the healing parables can be presented in a more inclusive way. A new possibility of how to do this occurred to me while reading Mesle’s book.
Mesle presents the process view of God acting in the world as a balancing act that allows for a creaturely freedom to chose between possibilities while at the same time providing an “experience of God’s ‘lure’ toward some of those possibilities over others.” . Indeed Mesle presents evolution as the acts of electrons through which God acts by “‘calling’ those gamma particles ‘this way’ in the hopes that a few will respond and nudge the evolutionary process along toward more interesting possibilities.” This seems, and always has seemed, much more plausible to me than some other theological presentations of creation. While Mesle goes on to assert that our experience of God is based on our total experience , Mesle seems to leave the practical implications of this theological view quite open ended. This open ended-ness is understandable, as it seems required by the process theology which created it and which is ever responding to God’s call. However, at the very end, Mesle drops in a note that “process theologians would not rule out altogether the possibility that bodily cells might also, on some occasions, surprise us with their responsiveness to God’s call towards health.” While I understand and even agree with what Mesle is saying, I find it very annoying that he does not connect the thoughts he presents. The connection, which will be helpful in my own ministry, is as follows. If God created evolutionary jumps by calling particles in one direction, then disability can be seen as a physical misalignment of particles below the cellular level rather than as the result of sin or disbelief. If this is so, then the healing parables can then be seen as God working in the world, through the Jesus, to perfect creation. If both of these are so then at the practical modern day level we can affirm that disability/illness has no connection to sin, and that although it may be beyond our ability change, the hope for healing is always possible in God.
August 28, 2006
A History Lesson
(This blog was put togeter in response to a blog I read on myspace.)
History Lesson:
The flag as we know it did not exist in 1776, it has been changed several times throughout American history.
"I wonder what the founding fathers thought of the American flag as they drafted the Declaration of Independence?" Well in 1776, and in much of history, flags were used to rally troops for and during battles. Flags historically were not symbols of national pride, but of warlords. Flags as a as a national symbol seems to be a more recent development, perhaps of the last century--the bloodiest century in human history, ever. Oh and the flag our Founding Fathers thought of looked more like what we know of as the flag of the United Kingdom not the US. Don't worry I won't burn it.
"Americans who don't appreciate the flag don't appreciate this nation. And those who appreciate this nation appreciate the American flag. Those who fought, fought for that flag. Those who died, died for that flag. And those who love America love that flag. And defend it."
My Grandfather fought in WWII, my Father fought in Vietnam; I have family documents that reveal my ancestors fought in the American Civil War and the American Revolution. Let me tell you, they did not fight for the flag that is ridiculous literalism. It would be shear folly to risk a human life for a fabric design, much less a design that changes at least every 27 years or so. Actually, the symbolism on the flag raised at Imo Jima has changed twice since then, what we see today is not the same flag. They fought because the nation was at war and as people who struggle with the ethical questions of life, they decided that the higher good in their situation was to join the battle for what they hoped was a greater good then their personal safety. My Grandfather and Father may have fought under the flag but not for the flag. Rather what they did fight for were the ethical values of their communities and the people that they love, and the freedoms--whether we value them or not--of all Americans.
As I end let me clarify . . .. I love the ethical values of freedom that have historically been the core of the American action in the world. I am also aware that those values are changing with the postmodern era. Perhaps as an educated woman steeped in Calvinist values, I am critical of where America's changing values are leading my beloved community . . . so I question a lot of things a lot of the time. I, myself, gave two years of my life to the service of our country. I did not do this for the flag, I did it for the people I know and love, to make their lives and communities better through my service. I will be doing so in the work I do throughout the rest of my life.
The flag perhaps is important, but it is no more than a symbol. I have always respected the flag. I have never burned or desecrated an American flag and I don't think I ever will. I do understand however why other people do desecrate the American flag. When I see this I think of it as silly and pointless and sad, but it does not make me angry. (My lack of anger does not make me any less American, by the way.) It does not make me angry, because although I have respect for what the flag stands for it is still a symbol. I see a flag and wonder at the courage and the many types of sacrifices that have been made to settle our lands and make American society what it is. I do not however see a flag as an object to be revered or to be worshiped. (If I did to see any national flag burn would be a tragedy.) To do so would be to participate in idolatry and in so doing desecrate the value, awe, and reverence for God in my own life. This, I will not do.
History Lesson:
The flag as we know it did not exist in 1776, it has been changed several times throughout American history.
"I wonder what the founding fathers thought of the American flag as they drafted the Declaration of Independence?" Well in 1776, and in much of history, flags were used to rally troops for and during battles. Flags historically were not symbols of national pride, but of warlords. Flags as a as a national symbol seems to be a more recent development, perhaps of the last century--the bloodiest century in human history, ever. Oh and the flag our Founding Fathers thought of looked more like what we know of as the flag of the United Kingdom not the US. Don't worry I won't burn it.
"Americans who don't appreciate the flag don't appreciate this nation. And those who appreciate this nation appreciate the American flag. Those who fought, fought for that flag. Those who died, died for that flag. And those who love America love that flag. And defend it."
My Grandfather fought in WWII, my Father fought in Vietnam; I have family documents that reveal my ancestors fought in the American Civil War and the American Revolution. Let me tell you, they did not fight for the flag that is ridiculous literalism. It would be shear folly to risk a human life for a fabric design, much less a design that changes at least every 27 years or so. Actually, the symbolism on the flag raised at Imo Jima has changed twice since then, what we see today is not the same flag. They fought because the nation was at war and as people who struggle with the ethical questions of life, they decided that the higher good in their situation was to join the battle for what they hoped was a greater good then their personal safety. My Grandfather and Father may have fought under the flag but not for the flag. Rather what they did fight for were the ethical values of their communities and the people that they love, and the freedoms--whether we value them or not--of all Americans.
As I end let me clarify . . .. I love the ethical values of freedom that have historically been the core of the American action in the world. I am also aware that those values are changing with the postmodern era. Perhaps as an educated woman steeped in Calvinist values, I am critical of where America's changing values are leading my beloved community . . . so I question a lot of things a lot of the time. I, myself, gave two years of my life to the service of our country. I did not do this for the flag, I did it for the people I know and love, to make their lives and communities better through my service. I will be doing so in the work I do throughout the rest of my life.
The flag perhaps is important, but it is no more than a symbol. I have always respected the flag. I have never burned or desecrated an American flag and I don't think I ever will. I do understand however why other people do desecrate the American flag. When I see this I think of it as silly and pointless and sad, but it does not make me angry. (My lack of anger does not make me any less American, by the way.) It does not make me angry, because although I have respect for what the flag stands for it is still a symbol. I see a flag and wonder at the courage and the many types of sacrifices that have been made to settle our lands and make American society what it is. I do not however see a flag as an object to be revered or to be worshiped. (If I did to see any national flag burn would be a tragedy.) To do so would be to participate in idolatry and in so doing desecrate the value, awe, and reverence for God in my own life. This, I will not do.
August 13, 2006
God is Still Calling
I preached my thrid sermon! The title is "God is Still Calling". The audio recording can be heard at http://cccpb.org/audio/2006/081306.mp3
I got some good comments on this one. Phil said this was the best one yet. Your comments would be welcome.
Love to all!
I got some good comments on this one. Phil said this was the best one yet. Your comments would be welcome.
Love to all!
July 30, 2006
A Day with Spirit
t has been a church day! I have spent more then five hours in two different churches today. It has been a great day and now I am fairly exhausted (probably because Ive not been sleeping). It has also been a day filled with the Holy Spirit!
The morning started with the adult forum at my home church, the Community Congregational Church of Pacific Beach, where there was a lively discussion about current events and what the future may hold for the church. Then there was the worship service. Although I had a rough time waking up this morning, participating and helping to lead parts of the worship service was invigorating. I clearly felt the Holy Spirit lifting me up and moving through me as I read the scriptures for worship. The special music and spirituals were also very up lifting and energizing!
After church and lunch, I went home to work on a worship response that I had been asked to give as part of a Jubilee 2006 arts worship service at the East Village Community Church. (In true grad school form, I finished it minutes before leaving for the service.) I had visited the church once before. The congregation is one you can feel has been touched by the Spirit. My dear friend Delores is one of their Ministers of Music. D had done a lot of work in helping to put the service together. There were several gospel/spiritual singers, a choir, poets, a flutist, pianists, and a theater skit. I was excited to see how it would all come together. It was a very Spirit filled worship experience unlike anything Id ever seen beforeit made my poets heart smile. What a great experience!
Here is the response I contributed to the service:
Almighty Creator and Master of the Universe
We come before you today in celebration of and thanksgiving for
the various gifts you have endowed each individual with. We know that it is the gifts You give that allow us to fill our world with Beauty, with Joy, with the sounds of prophecy and truth!
In the overwhelming chaos of life, it can sometimes be difficult for us to use our gifts for Your Glory and for the good of the World. It is so easy Lord, for us to become so wrapped up in the trouble of the day. Some days we may become so weary that we neglect to use our gifts. Forgive us this trespass of your creation. Help us to use our gifts without ceasing in thanksgiving!
The Psalms teach us to sing endlessly in praise to you O God. The Proverbs tells us to become the platters upon which your gifts can be served to the world. Help us to be joyful and unceasing in our Thankfulness. Help us to make each day a celebration of dedication to you with rejoicing, with thanksgivings and with singing, with cymbals, harps, and lyres. (Neh 12:27)
The morning started with the adult forum at my home church, the Community Congregational Church of Pacific Beach, where there was a lively discussion about current events and what the future may hold for the church. Then there was the worship service. Although I had a rough time waking up this morning, participating and helping to lead parts of the worship service was invigorating. I clearly felt the Holy Spirit lifting me up and moving through me as I read the scriptures for worship. The special music and spirituals were also very up lifting and energizing!
After church and lunch, I went home to work on a worship response that I had been asked to give as part of a Jubilee 2006 arts worship service at the East Village Community Church. (In true grad school form, I finished it minutes before leaving for the service.) I had visited the church once before. The congregation is one you can feel has been touched by the Spirit. My dear friend Delores is one of their Ministers of Music. D had done a lot of work in helping to put the service together. There were several gospel/spiritual singers, a choir, poets, a flutist, pianists, and a theater skit. I was excited to see how it would all come together. It was a very Spirit filled worship experience unlike anything Id ever seen beforeit made my poets heart smile. What a great experience!
Here is the response I contributed to the service:
Almighty Creator and Master of the Universe
We come before you today in celebration of and thanksgiving for
the various gifts you have endowed each individual with. We know that it is the gifts You give that allow us to fill our world with Beauty, with Joy, with the sounds of prophecy and truth!
In the overwhelming chaos of life, it can sometimes be difficult for us to use our gifts for Your Glory and for the good of the World. It is so easy Lord, for us to become so wrapped up in the trouble of the day. Some days we may become so weary that we neglect to use our gifts. Forgive us this trespass of your creation. Help us to use our gifts without ceasing in thanksgiving!
The Psalms teach us to sing endlessly in praise to you O God. The Proverbs tells us to become the platters upon which your gifts can be served to the world. Help us to be joyful and unceasing in our Thankfulness. Help us to make each day a celebration of dedication to you with rejoicing, with thanksgivings and with singing, with cymbals, harps, and lyres. (Neh 12:27)
July 29, 2006
Who Would Have Thunk?
am listening to Jerry Springer On the Radio and he is quoting the Hebrew and the Christian Scriptures! Oh, My. I am kind of amazed, but very pleased. Actually, it is making my day! Isaiah, Micah, Matthew . . .
Today Springer is upset about a new law in Las Vegas that makes it illegal to give food to homeless persons in public parks! He is saying that this is not about major feedings but also applies to someone who may hand their own sandwich to someone with less. There are similar laws around the country--Springer mentions Orlando.
I must share Springer's wonderment at what kind of people make these laws. Are they religious? Have they any ethics? Are they still HUMAN?!? I shudder at the answers. It shatters my faith in humanity.
It makes me think though. A large segment of our society, especially those currently in political power are people who believe that if the world comes to an end, which they say it inevitably will, then Jesus will return. I do not subscribe to the idea that we need to bring the world to the brink of destruction in order to set the stage for (bribe) Jesus to return. I also think it is more than stupidity and folly to think that the Creator of the Universe can be bribed. If God could be bribed, don't you think that human beings would have figured out how to do that long ago? It is a completely ridiculous concept!
Laws against caring for the poor make me wonder. . . If Jesus did return, would we even notice? . . . Long ago people used to practice hospitality. When it was believed that gods walked the earth, it was basic the building block of society that people offered housing and food to those in need or wondering through because one never knew if the person they helped may be God or and Angel of God. Hospitality is the fundamental law of the Hebrew Scriptures and the radical revival of hospitality is at the crux of much the Christian Scriptures. If Jesus were to return to modern society and preach the way we are told that he does in scripture . . . would we arrest Jesus for feeding the four thousand? What about the five thousand? Thirty years ago Martin Luther King Jr. was arrested during the struggle to bring civil rights to African Americans and social justice to the poor. Have we really come upon another time, when clergy and people of faith must face arrest to practice the teaching of their religion? Has society digressed so far that we cannot out of our faith show the simple hospitality that was standard ethical behavior thousands of years ago?
Perhaps the reason I am writing this blog is that Springer has touched upon a notion that is personal and timely for me. Three nights ago, a church member knocked on my door at 10:00 p.m. He has been looking for a place to rent but has not found a new place yet. He asked to stay. Of course! My husband and I share a large four bedroom with two other adults, so I checked with our roommates, and no one minded. We let him stay. After our church member stayed a second night, I was confronted by one upset roommate who asked how long our guest might stay and told me that our offering hospitality, by means of a fold out couch, to one in need was disrespectful of our roommates space. Huh? I still do not get it. However, the tone in which it was said was not respectful, and my husband came in from the garage to be sure I was not the further target of harsh words. Shortly thereafter, I saw first hand how "radical" hospitality could really incite those who think they do not need the kindness of others to anger and hostility. Who would have thought that hospitality could incite hostility?
I never did. But, true to Springer fashion . . . our furniture was picked up--not by us--and put outside to be beaten by the elements, words were said, and I cringed in the garden fearing my husband may have to take the brunt of another's angry blow. So, until further notice about half of our furniture has been safely locked up in storage, to avoid damage. The house looks empty, and feels inhospitable to us and any angel who may come to the door. Although it broke my heart, another person in need has been turned out for their and our own safety. Luckily, our guest had other church members to stay with. Who would have thought things could ever happen like this? Who would have ever thought a Jerry Springer fight would come in to my home? Who would have thought I have found a Springer fight worth fighting?
P.S. Happy Birthday Dad.
Today Springer is upset about a new law in Las Vegas that makes it illegal to give food to homeless persons in public parks! He is saying that this is not about major feedings but also applies to someone who may hand their own sandwich to someone with less. There are similar laws around the country--Springer mentions Orlando.
I must share Springer's wonderment at what kind of people make these laws. Are they religious? Have they any ethics? Are they still HUMAN?!? I shudder at the answers. It shatters my faith in humanity.
It makes me think though. A large segment of our society, especially those currently in political power are people who believe that if the world comes to an end, which they say it inevitably will, then Jesus will return. I do not subscribe to the idea that we need to bring the world to the brink of destruction in order to set the stage for (bribe) Jesus to return. I also think it is more than stupidity and folly to think that the Creator of the Universe can be bribed. If God could be bribed, don't you think that human beings would have figured out how to do that long ago? It is a completely ridiculous concept!
Laws against caring for the poor make me wonder. . . If Jesus did return, would we even notice? . . . Long ago people used to practice hospitality. When it was believed that gods walked the earth, it was basic the building block of society that people offered housing and food to those in need or wondering through because one never knew if the person they helped may be God or and Angel of God. Hospitality is the fundamental law of the Hebrew Scriptures and the radical revival of hospitality is at the crux of much the Christian Scriptures. If Jesus were to return to modern society and preach the way we are told that he does in scripture . . . would we arrest Jesus for feeding the four thousand? What about the five thousand? Thirty years ago Martin Luther King Jr. was arrested during the struggle to bring civil rights to African Americans and social justice to the poor. Have we really come upon another time, when clergy and people of faith must face arrest to practice the teaching of their religion? Has society digressed so far that we cannot out of our faith show the simple hospitality that was standard ethical behavior thousands of years ago?
Perhaps the reason I am writing this blog is that Springer has touched upon a notion that is personal and timely for me. Three nights ago, a church member knocked on my door at 10:00 p.m. He has been looking for a place to rent but has not found a new place yet. He asked to stay. Of course! My husband and I share a large four bedroom with two other adults, so I checked with our roommates, and no one minded. We let him stay. After our church member stayed a second night, I was confronted by one upset roommate who asked how long our guest might stay and told me that our offering hospitality, by means of a fold out couch, to one in need was disrespectful of our roommates space. Huh? I still do not get it. However, the tone in which it was said was not respectful, and my husband came in from the garage to be sure I was not the further target of harsh words. Shortly thereafter, I saw first hand how "radical" hospitality could really incite those who think they do not need the kindness of others to anger and hostility. Who would have thought that hospitality could incite hostility?
I never did. But, true to Springer fashion . . . our furniture was picked up--not by us--and put outside to be beaten by the elements, words were said, and I cringed in the garden fearing my husband may have to take the brunt of another's angry blow. So, until further notice about half of our furniture has been safely locked up in storage, to avoid damage. The house looks empty, and feels inhospitable to us and any angel who may come to the door. Although it broke my heart, another person in need has been turned out for their and our own safety. Luckily, our guest had other church members to stay with. Who would have thought things could ever happen like this? Who would have ever thought a Jerry Springer fight would come in to my home? Who would have thought I have found a Springer fight worth fighting?
P.S. Happy Birthday Dad.
July 16, 2006
Approaching God
I preached my second sermon on Genesis and John 21! How are we to approach God? If you are interested in my thoughts on our need to be naked before God, then you may want to check out the MP3 of the sermon. You can find it at http://cccpb.org/audio/2006/071606.mp3 .
Love to you all!
Love to you all!
June 18, 2006
Father of the King
I preached my first sermon, ever, on Father's Day! (last week.) It went very well, i was pleased, and it seemed that the congregation was pleased as well. Yes, I was nervous, maybe I'll write more about that later. But as I reflect on this experience, I have to say that in preaching this sermon I felt very alive. Yes, this was it! I am taking my reaction to this experience as a confirmation that I am on the right track~it'd be cool to do this often
. . . wait that is what I am working towards! Sometimes things just feel so right!
An MP3 file of the sermon is available to listen to at http://cccpb.org/audio/2006/061806.mp3
If you'd like to, please enjoy!
. . . wait that is what I am working towards! Sometimes things just feel so right!
An MP3 file of the sermon is available to listen to at http://cccpb.org/audio/2006/061806.mp3
If you'd like to, please enjoy!
June 01, 2006
so, Dad, its been nine years
Nine years ago today my father died. It was surreal and out of the blue. Most people don’t realize that I tend to recognize today. The recognition of this day has become more subtle over the years, but it is still there.
Today I didn’t really know what to do. I just didn’t want to do much, still trying to slow down in life and catch my breath. My what a whirlwind year it has been. I thought about calling my brother today, but I didn’t. I simply didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t call. (actually while writing this I did call, he had no idea what today was.) Nor did I call my dad’s family in South Carolina. I don’t think any of us will ever get over losing dad, or the sock of the suddenness. Still there is the question of what to say. I am hesitant to reach out in a way that may cause pain to my family; they may not even realize today, what good would it do to point it out.
At first, the anniversary of dad’s death was very painful for me—the first year was the worst. In the years just after daddy died I used to throw a dinner party on this day and simply spend time with those I love eating good food, usually one of dad’s favorites. As I look back on this practice, I think it was a way of celebrating life while bring my whole support system together in one local. I don’t think I ever told my friends why I was doing a dinner on that night, I just did it. Some of my closer friends may have figured out why, but since none of my friends in California knew my dad, it most likely slipped their minds. Really, it was a silent acknowledgement so deep and profound it really just had to do with me, and really that was truly the point.
How I acknowledge this day has had to change over the years based on what is going on in my life. I think it is different every year. This year was quiet. I had the house to myself most of the day, so I relaxed. I did some research on the types of vegetables that we can plant in a garden this time of year. While the beds and soil are not ready for me to get my hands dirty quite yet, I did what I could to nourish life.
As I thought about the vegetables we are planning to nourish so that they may nourish us, I remembered a dream I had last week. In my dream I had a talk with my father. After dad died I dreamed of him almost every night for two years and often we talked then, but it had been along time since I felt that experience. It was a nice dream last week to find myself sitting down and talking with my father over a campfire; to know that he knows how my life has changed, how I’ve grown and that he approves. I still cannot figure out why, in this dream, my mother came and joined our conversation, as that never happened before. I did spend some time today thinking of dad, thinking of talking to him, knowing he is here, knowing he loves me and is watching over me.
This evening I made a small meal for the my husband, Suz our roommate, and I. It was not a celebration of my dad’s passing or even his life per se. But it was a celebration of home, friends, family and the all blessings of our lives; a life that is fleeting, perfect, and precious.
Today I didn’t really know what to do. I just didn’t want to do much, still trying to slow down in life and catch my breath. My what a whirlwind year it has been. I thought about calling my brother today, but I didn’t. I simply didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t call. (actually while writing this I did call, he had no idea what today was.) Nor did I call my dad’s family in South Carolina. I don’t think any of us will ever get over losing dad, or the sock of the suddenness. Still there is the question of what to say. I am hesitant to reach out in a way that may cause pain to my family; they may not even realize today, what good would it do to point it out.
At first, the anniversary of dad’s death was very painful for me—the first year was the worst. In the years just after daddy died I used to throw a dinner party on this day and simply spend time with those I love eating good food, usually one of dad’s favorites. As I look back on this practice, I think it was a way of celebrating life while bring my whole support system together in one local. I don’t think I ever told my friends why I was doing a dinner on that night, I just did it. Some of my closer friends may have figured out why, but since none of my friends in California knew my dad, it most likely slipped their minds. Really, it was a silent acknowledgement so deep and profound it really just had to do with me, and really that was truly the point.
How I acknowledge this day has had to change over the years based on what is going on in my life. I think it is different every year. This year was quiet. I had the house to myself most of the day, so I relaxed. I did some research on the types of vegetables that we can plant in a garden this time of year. While the beds and soil are not ready for me to get my hands dirty quite yet, I did what I could to nourish life.
As I thought about the vegetables we are planning to nourish so that they may nourish us, I remembered a dream I had last week. In my dream I had a talk with my father. After dad died I dreamed of him almost every night for two years and often we talked then, but it had been along time since I felt that experience. It was a nice dream last week to find myself sitting down and talking with my father over a campfire; to know that he knows how my life has changed, how I’ve grown and that he approves. I still cannot figure out why, in this dream, my mother came and joined our conversation, as that never happened before. I did spend some time today thinking of dad, thinking of talking to him, knowing he is here, knowing he loves me and is watching over me.
This evening I made a small meal for the my husband, Suz our roommate, and I. It was not a celebration of my dad’s passing or even his life per se. But it was a celebration of home, friends, family and the all blessings of our lives; a life that is fleeting, perfect, and precious.
March 25, 2006
Today's Poem
Sending News
A letter arrives in the mail
Another message of stamps
I do not recognize what names
The sender exactly,
though it is similar to an old friend’s
Has she married? I wonder,
So I call, and hear
It is not that friend, but another
Who’s cancer has moved her into hospice
And a six month countdown
That may be longer
Or shorter without chemo this time
This is all very surreal
After the call
To notice how tragically normal
The news seems, although it is not good
This is frequent, now,
The turning of health and life
Becomes one in the ebb and flow
With time
With so many losses of so many
Friends, this crab devours life
Claiming its presence among us
Reality in this mist
Is everchanging as tideflowing time
There is much to do between the high and low
The boats to tie
Nets to throw and then secure
Colors of the setting sun, stars rising to watch
Before the shore is too dark to find our way home
Everyday becomes someday
And, somedays all you can do is catch fish in sun
While otherdays you build castles chasing crabs in the sand
Crushing exoskeletons under your heel
Noticing the texture, the shape of each seashell
And how the pattern of many glistens in profound randomness
Manydays, though you walk along the sand
Cursing that constellation
A single set of prints where there should be two
headed towards the postbox
Powerless to do anything, except to send poems
Kelli Parrish
© 2006
A letter arrives in the mail
Another message of stamps
I do not recognize what names
The sender exactly,
though it is similar to an old friend’s
Has she married? I wonder,
So I call, and hear
It is not that friend, but another
Who’s cancer has moved her into hospice
And a six month countdown
That may be longer
Or shorter without chemo this time
This is all very surreal
After the call
To notice how tragically normal
The news seems, although it is not good
This is frequent, now,
The turning of health and life
Becomes one in the ebb and flow
With time
With so many losses of so many
Friends, this crab devours life
Claiming its presence among us
Reality in this mist
Is everchanging as tideflowing time
There is much to do between the high and low
The boats to tie
Nets to throw and then secure
Colors of the setting sun, stars rising to watch
Before the shore is too dark to find our way home
Everyday becomes someday
And, somedays all you can do is catch fish in sun
While otherdays you build castles chasing crabs in the sand
Crushing exoskeletons under your heel
Noticing the texture, the shape of each seashell
And how the pattern of many glistens in profound randomness
Manydays, though you walk along the sand
Cursing that constellation
A single set of prints where there should be two
headed towards the postbox
Powerless to do anything, except to send poems
Kelli Parrish
© 2006
February 11, 2006
Oh my . . . It happened . . .here I am
So it finally happened. I was totally unprepared, not to mentioned caught off guard!
Jerry, my pastor called this afternoon asking if I would help him with the service tommorow. Of course, I would! So tommorrow I am lighting the Christ Candle for ALL the victims of war (active duty personell and their families included), reading the scripture, and accepting the offering at the pulpit. I told him I'd be glad to help, just because I am glad to help, but also because I need the worship practice! Then we got to talking about how I may be able to participate more in the worship services as I prepare to move toward field education as part of my seminary training next Fall.
That is when he said it. "Maybe you ought to think about preaching." Huh? Ok. I know I should. But as I told Jerry, I'm a little scared of that, I just don't feel ready. The truth is I feel like a bit of a hermit right now. I feel myself changing in good ways. I feel as if my spirituality is developing. This is all good. I am just feeling very shy, and perhaps a little insecure about my new self. Its Adolence of the soul, so I feel awkward--very awkward. I told Jerry that I knew I should start preaching but that I was scared. So Jerry told me to think about it because there would be a friendly audience for me preach to at our church, and I might want to do this before I start at another church. As always, Jerry is absolutely right. So I told him I'd think about it. . . .O.k. I told him summer might be a better time as school keeps me so busy . . . but I know he is right, maybe I should not put it off that long.
Oddly enough I think I already now the scripture to use. It came to mind as soon as Jerry mentioned having me preach. So wow, I am thinking.
Oh, my what now . . . where is my shell? Where is my strength? I am not used to feeling so shy and reclusive. See that picture on my page?--I should be used to getting up and speaking truth I've been doing it for years, but as a poet, not a preacher. Perhaps the monastic life of religious hermitage is not for me after all--I all ready knew this--its just that now I have been called out!
Here I am LORD!
Jerry, my pastor called this afternoon asking if I would help him with the service tommorow. Of course, I would! So tommorrow I am lighting the Christ Candle for ALL the victims of war (active duty personell and their families included), reading the scripture, and accepting the offering at the pulpit. I told him I'd be glad to help, just because I am glad to help, but also because I need the worship practice! Then we got to talking about how I may be able to participate more in the worship services as I prepare to move toward field education as part of my seminary training next Fall.
That is when he said it. "Maybe you ought to think about preaching." Huh? Ok. I know I should. But as I told Jerry, I'm a little scared of that, I just don't feel ready. The truth is I feel like a bit of a hermit right now. I feel myself changing in good ways. I feel as if my spirituality is developing. This is all good. I am just feeling very shy, and perhaps a little insecure about my new self. Its Adolence of the soul, so I feel awkward--very awkward. I told Jerry that I knew I should start preaching but that I was scared. So Jerry told me to think about it because there would be a friendly audience for me preach to at our church, and I might want to do this before I start at another church. As always, Jerry is absolutely right. So I told him I'd think about it. . . .O.k. I told him summer might be a better time as school keeps me so busy . . . but I know he is right, maybe I should not put it off that long.
Oddly enough I think I already now the scripture to use. It came to mind as soon as Jerry mentioned having me preach. So wow, I am thinking.
Oh, my what now . . . where is my shell? Where is my strength? I am not used to feeling so shy and reclusive. See that picture on my page?--I should be used to getting up and speaking truth I've been doing it for years, but as a poet, not a preacher. Perhaps the monastic life of religious hermitage is not for me after all--I all ready knew this--its just that now I have been called out!
Here I am LORD!
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